Yelling Does Not Help

I never wanted to be the mom who judged other moms. I know life is hard – I know sometimes these tiny humans we gave birth to know how to push every single one of our buttons. But you are solely responsible for raising them to be respectful, genuine, thoughtful adults – do you really think yelling in their face and humiliating them is going help in that?

My first rant. Something I had to think long and hard about posting. In the end I remember this is my blog – I made it to help with stress and to get all of my thoughts and feelings out. And this past weekend I witnessed something that has not been able to leave my mind.

To the woman  Saturday afternoon:

It is not okay to get in the face of a toddler and scream at him. I do not care what that child did – nothing he did makes it’s alright for a grown woman to speak to a child that way.

It is not okay to call a child a f*cking idiot and shove him to the ground.

It is not okay to tell a child he can no longer eat because he was misbehaving.

Not only did you verbally, mentally and border line physically abuse this poor child, you humiliated him in front of people. After the father took the child inside, you continued the abuse. Your spoke indirectly to the people, who at this point stopped what they were doing to see what was going on. You were embarrassed (rightfully so) – you tried to make up for what you had just done by saying he is a terrible little boy because his mother hits him, shakes him, and swears at him. And followed it by saying you should beat her for doing so.

Yup. You read that right. She says he’s a terrible boy because his mother hits him so her solution is to hit the mom. Insert wtf face here.

All I could think about was that poor boy. What did he do to deserve such horrible treatment? I wanted to run over there, hug him and tell him everything will be okay. I wanted to take him home with me. But I didn’t and life goes on, unfortunately he’s not the only little boy who gets treated like that. And that’s why I am writing this. To help you understand the effects you have on your child when you yell and treat them with disrespect.

  • Yelling is a vicious cycle – child misbehaves, parents yell, child’s behaviour worsens, parents react with harsh discipline. No one learns anything.
  • Emotional fallout – when a parent yells at a child, the child will become angrier, rather than feeling nurtured. He will become suspicious every time his parents become angry – which will lead to bad behaviour.
  • Verbal discipline increases depression because the child believes they are worthless, useless or inferior. The child will develop low self esteem which will lead to bad behaviour and poor choices.
  • Verbal discipline will eat away at the child’s willingness to trust their parent – so basically you cannot scream and yell then turn around snuggle them in hopes to undo the damage.

Ways to Curb the Yelling

1. Breathe – Inhale, exhale, repeat. Sometimes it takes a minute to calm down and gather your thoughts. Take a second to breathe and then address the problem.

2. Be firm – You can mean business without being mean. Talk in a calm but firm tone, your child will grasp what you’re saying without having to yell.

3. Help your child learn emotions – One of the main reasons your child may be acting out is simply because they don’t know how to properly express their emotions. Teach them it’s okay to have feelings but show them the proper way to express them.

          “Hudson I understand you are mad, it is okay to be mad. But when we are mad we do not hit people, we just tell them we are upset”

4. Have rules + follow through – Empty threats will only result in your child testing you, which will lead to your frustration. Have a set of rules and make sure you state the consequence and follow through.

5. Put yourself in their shoes – Think about how you feel when someone is yelling at you, are you embarrassed? Does it make you more mad? So why wouldn’t your child?

6. We are not perfect – If you do slip up and yell – it’s okay. Take a step back, recollect yourself and explain to your child that you are sorry for yelling and what they did to make you upset.

“Baby, mommy is sorry for yelling I didn’t mean to get so mad. But it really upsets me when you hit your brother after I have asked you not to”


34 Replies to “Yelling Does Not Help”

  1. I love this! I just talked to my mom about this last week because I yelled at my daughter and immediately started to cry when I saw how upset she was. I will definitely be sharing this on my social media accounts.

    1. I’m definitely guilty of yelling to. And just seeing the sad look in his eyes makes me turn to mush and feel so awful!

  2. This was such a great post! I feel terrible for that little boy just reading it. You gave so many great points and I completely agree that how we talk to them is huge factor is how they ultimately turn out later in life. We need to encourage them, teach them right from wrong while also fostering an encouraging environment! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thank you so much!
      Definitely not acceptable the way she treated him.
      I still to this day wish I had stepped in and said something 🙁

  3. What a wonderful post for parents to read though the parents that need to read this would probaly get on the defensive like the woman you experienced did. You are right that there is a way to be firm without being mean and yelling and degrading the child.

    1. So true. The parents who need to read this are not the ones who try every day to become a better parent. So unfortunely they will not see this is.
      Breaks my heart for all those little boys and girls. 🙁

    1. I know 🙁 it was so heartbreaking! I stillto this day think about it and wish I had said something 🙁

  4. It breaks my heart to see parents do this-it turns into three worst cycle! Thank you for reminding folks about practical tips to avoid yelling!

  5. I’m at my worst with yelling when my kids do something that scares me by putting themselves at risk (climbing, running where they shouldn’t, hiding from me in a store). But sometimes they don’t even know what they did was wrong and the yelling doesn’t make it clearer. Good tips for curbing yelling and calming down.

    1. Oh man! I was definitely the same way.
      I remember my son was running into the road and I yelled at him. It scared him so bad – he burst into tears.
      I felt awful, but I knew I had done the right thing.

  6. As a parent it is hard to not judge what others are doing. There is a difference between yelling and belittling your children. I am a yeller I know and understand the difference. All of your points made are wonderful and a great reminder to any parent to breath first!

    1. Oh yes of course.
      There are just people who tend to have a louder voice. And that’s okay, you’re children understand you. It’s the parents who take it to the next level and emotionally hurt the child , so heartbreaking!

  7. Great post! I will admit that when I have had a long day and my patience is running thin, it’s hard not to yell! So this is a good reminder!

    1. I’m with you on that one.
      I once yelled at my son for spilling noodles by accident 🙁
      I felt so bad afterwards, definitely something I continue to work on everyday is stepping back and breathing

  8. That’s so true, yelling has no good but does more harm to the tensed situations. I leave the spot for some time, breathe and come back, talking politely. And you know my kid goes back to his very normal smiling. It sorts out things rather than yelling and crying and arguing.

    1. Exactly!
      I always tell my husband to pick his battles.
      Because if he yells, then the kids get upset and it turns into this huge ordeal.
      When really we could have avoided the whole thing by staying calm!

  9. We moms loose our temper despite of being so cautions in dealing with our kids. Even I yell sometimes. But yes this affects child badly. God bless all moms with more patience including me. Loved reading your post thanks for sharing

  10. Love, Love, Love this post. Seeing kids around who are mistreated by their own parents is painful. I wish I could do something for them but nothing changes. I can understand your feeling. Especially the tips you mentioned to replace yelling is awesome.

    1. Thank you ! It breaks my heart watching kids get mistreated by the people they depend on! The only thing we are able to do is love our children a little more and teach them how to be good people

  11. I’ve been working on having more patience with my children for the last year or so. It’s amazing that so many parents expect children to manage their own emotions, but fail to manage their own.

    1. Exactly!
      I try everyday to stay more patient than the day before! Some days its hard, but i just try to put myself in his shoes!

    1. I have been trying not to lose my temper since writing this post! Some days its not easy!
      But I try to put myself in his shoes and remember he sometimes just doesnt understand!

  12. It is heartbreaking what that little boy went thru… I would not have been able to stay quiet… I would have said something to her.

    1. I wish I would have – This happened a few weeks ago, and i still think about it!
      Poor guy 🙁

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