I never wanted to be the mom who judged other moms. I know life is hard – I know sometimes these tiny humans we gave birth to know how to push every single one of our buttons. But you are solely responsible for raising them to be respectful, genuine, thoughtful adults – do you really think yelling in their face and humiliating them is going help in that?
My first rant. Something I had to think long and hard about posting. In the end I remember this is my blog – I made it to help with stress and to get all of my thoughts and feelings out. And this past weekend I witnessed something that has not been able to leave my mind.
To the woman Saturday afternoon:
It is not okay to get in the face of a toddler and scream at him. I do not care what that child did – nothing he did makes it’s alright for a grown woman to speak to a child that way.
It is not okay to call a child a f*cking idiot and shove him to the ground.
It is not okay to tell a child he can no longer eat because he was misbehaving.
Not only did you verbally, mentally and border line physically abuse this poor child, you humiliated him in front of people. After the father took the child inside, you continued the abuse. Your spoke indirectly to the people, who at this point stopped what they were doing to see what was going on. You were embarrassed (rightfully so) – you tried to make up for what you had just done by saying he is a terrible little boy because his mother hits him, shakes him, and swears at him. And followed it by saying you should beat her for doing so.
Yup. You read that right. She says he’s a terrible boy because his mother hits him so her solution is to hit the mom. Insert wtf face here.
All I could think about was that poor boy. What did he do to deserve such horrible treatment? I wanted to run over there, hug him and tell him everything will be okay. I wanted to take him home with me. But I didn’t and life goes on, unfortunately he’s not the only little boy who gets treated like that. And that’s why I am writing this. To help you understand the effects you have on your child when you yell and treat them with disrespect.
- Yelling is a vicious cycle – child misbehaves, parents yell, child’s behaviour worsens, parents react with harsh discipline. No one learns anything.
- Emotional fallout – when a parent yells at a child, the child will become angrier, rather than feeling nurtured. He will become suspicious every time his parents become angry – which will lead to bad behaviour.
- Verbal discipline increases depression because the child believes they are worthless, useless or inferior. The child will develop low self esteem which will lead to bad behaviour and poor choices.
- Verbal discipline will eat away at the child’s willingness to trust their parent – so basically you cannot scream and yell then turn around snuggle them in hopes to undo the damage.
Ways to Curb the Yelling
1. Breathe – Inhale, exhale, repeat. Sometimes it takes a minute to calm down and gather your thoughts. Take a second to breathe and then address the problem.
2. Be firm – You can mean business without being mean. Talk in a calm but firm tone, your child will grasp what you’re saying without having to yell.
3. Help your child learn emotions – One of the main reasons your child may be acting out is simply because they don’t know how to properly express their emotions. Teach them it’s okay to have feelings but show them the proper way to express them.
“Hudson I understand you are mad, it is okay to be mad. But when we are mad we do not hit people, we just tell them we are upset”
4. Have rules + follow through – Empty threats will only result in your child testing you, which will lead to your frustration. Have a set of rules and make sure you state the consequence and follow through.
5. Put yourself in their shoes – Think about how you feel when someone is yelling at you, are you embarrassed? Does it make you more mad? So why wouldn’t your child?
6. We are not perfect – If you do slip up and yell – it’s okay. Take a step back, recollect yourself and explain to your child that you are sorry for yelling and what they did to make you upset.
“Baby, mommy is sorry for yelling I didn’t mean to get so mad. But it really upsets me when you hit your brother after I have asked you not to”